A Mother’s Love through sickness and in health…

Sick kids have to be one of the hardest things about being a parent. The hopeless feeling we feel when we know our kids have to experience the illness by themselves.  Us, standing by, watching, unable to fix them, but hoping our comfort helps some.

Whenever I take my daughters to the doctor I feel guilty. Guilty that I haven’t protected them enough. Every time my stomach turns and I feel horrible. I am grateful we can go to the doctor and have pretty wonderful insurance, but it really is one thing that just is so so hard.

This week we were at two visits in 3 days for my daughters eczema. First her pediatrician and then a pediatric dermatology specialist. We have been dealing with it for a long time now and when we seem to get a good routine her skin decides to switch things up. It’s extremely frustrating and disheartening to watch your child want to crawl out of her skin. My daughter has eczema on her eyelids, the corners of her eyes, her nostrils and by her mouth. It itches horribly. She tries not to scratch during the day, but at night when she’s asleep I hear her start to itch on the monitor. I run in to her room and snuggle up to her and hold her hands with one hand and gently rub her face. She is sound asleep, but I feel like she must not be getting good sleep if she is subconsciously so aware of the itching that she is aggressively scratching in her sleep. We have a new bathing regimen, new creams to try and lots of good old Vaseline.  Our follow-up appointment is in 3 weeks and I’m really hoping it starts to get back under control.

My heart breaks for her and yet again I wish I could take her place. Sigh….Guess the only thing to do is to continue to love, comfort and care for them through it, every time. ❤

My daughter has a little boy in her Kindergarten class who is battling leukemia (ALL). When I feel disheartened I think of him and all the mothers with babies who have illnesses that are life threatening or requiring surgery and recovery and I am so grateful that this is all we are dealing with at this time. I hold this little boy and his family in my heart. I remind myself that there is always something that could be worse. I say the Serenity prayer, reminding me what I can control and what I cannot. I breathe in and pray for healing.

A reminder….

At my daughters 3-year-old wellness visit I jokingly mentioned she snores. Loudly…Her pediatrician with a straight face looks at me and says that 3 year olds do not usually snore, unless they have a cold etc. She handed me a referral to Children’s Hospital for a visit with an ear, nose, throat specialist. Oh 😦 Not a laughing matter.

Today was our appointment. As I drove closer and closer to the hospital, listening to my snoring daughter in the back seat I became more and more anxious. Will she need her tonsils out…adenoids, a sleep study…Heart pounding I played through many scenarios in my mind. We pulled in to Children’s Hospitals ‘ocean building’ parking area and headed in for our appointment. The ocean theme was continued throughout the building. Sculptures, mosaics, tiles, pictures, of Orcas, beluga, fish, and sea life were everywhere giving my daughter many distractions. I on the other hand was noticing many of the children in the waiting area who were very sick with little to no hair, their tubes connected to backpacks either hooked on their wheelchair or being held by a parent, grandparent, caregiver….The tired eyes and worry etched into their faces. As we passed they’d smile and I smiled back hoping I was projecting compassion, not the guilt I was feeling about my healthy daughter and my unrealistically amplified fear for her today. Fear is very real to these children and their caregivers. I am thankful that our specialist decided on a ‘wait and see’ approach with no immediate action needed. Other parents there today I’m sure were having entirely different conversations and my heart breaks for them.

As I left the hospital I held my laughing, wiggly 3-year-old close, smelling her hair and feeling extremely grateful for her health. I will keep the children and parents I saw today close in my heart and pray for healing, bravery, miracles, comfort… everything and anything that could help ease their pain. Today was a reminder that there are struggles being fought daily which are so much bigger than what I can imagine.