I recently wrote about body shaming and another way this happens (actually quite often) has been brought to my attention recently. I think there needs to be a public service announcement for this one….When you should ask someone if they are pregnant.
You see a friend, flowey blouse…you wonder…you look again. You know it! She’s pregnant! Expecting…so exciting! The adrenaline starts to flow, cheeks flushing, you forget all reason and you walk over to ask…
STOP!! Do not ask!
Unfortunately there is no pause, the words spill out. “You look so cute! When are you due?”…To which your friend looks down, blushes and mumbles “I’m not”…
You see a mom with a toddler about your childs age. You just had a baby…You are preoccupied with the idea of other moms having another baby too…You think…is she? Oh, you think she may be…her kids will be about the same age difference as yours. Maybe it’s your sleep deprivation, or your need to connect with another adult. You go over…
STOP! Do not ask!
…but that doesn’t happen. You open your mouth. The words spill out. The mom looks at you and says “No, I have 6 month old twins at home…”
You see a neighbor with her daughter getting the mail. She is not wearing her usual more fitting running clothes but a longer loose summer blouse. You call her and her daughter over. A lapse in judgment you want to ask the daughter about being a big sister…
STOP! Do not ask!
…but no one stops you. You look at the little girl and say “I didn’t know you were going to be a big sister”. The little girl looks confused. Looks at her mother. Who replies, “That’s because she’s not”….
Believe it or not these scenarios are true. Not one of the women asked was pregnant. NONE. All it did was cause embarrassment and hurt feelings for the woman asked. Embarrassment and feeling of being an idiot for the one posing the question. This is another example of body shaming. An unwanted comment or question posed to someone about their body who did not ask for one.
I personally have been on both sides of this topic. I was at a resort spa with a friend. The masseuse came out and quickly looked at us waiting and asked me if I was ready for my maternity massage. I was not expecting. My friend was.
I also have asked someone if they were expecting when they were not. Of the above scenarios I asked the woman who had 6 month twins at home when she was due. Horrible moment for her and for me, although I deserved to feel horrible for being a moron. I knew better. But a lapse in judgment can happen. I just want to try to stop it from happening to more women if it doesn’t have to.
So again, the answer to the question, When should you ask someone if they are pregnant? is NEVER! Easy! Never ever say anything at all!! Leave it to baby ‘save the dates’, fun pregnancy announcements, the ‘we’re having baby’ social media cuteness…The only person who should announce a pregnancy is the one carrying the baby, without being asked!! 🙂
*Side note* After someone has announced their pregnancy please refrain from making comments about their size. The “oh, you must be due any day”, or “have you gained enough weight?”, or “wow, you’re just about to pop”, to the “you’re huge”…none of these make anyone feel good. Let’s just let that momma grow her baby in peace. It’s hard enough as is and believe me, that woman is more aware of what’s going on with her body that anyone else!
I believe this happens more than we realize. Please click on the poll below to add your input! Thanks!!