The stage: My kitchen
The roles: Me, a 38yr old mother & Audrey, a 3 yr old wonder
Act 1: Breakfast time.
Audrey: “Mom, Moooooommmmmmyyyyyy, Momma, I wanna have yogurt, squeezy yogurt.”
Me: “Sure sweetie, here you go.” Handing her a squeezy yogurt. Smiling.
A: “Nooooo…..I didn’t say I wanted a squeezy yogurt, I want white yogurt! In a BOWL!” Throwing herself on the floor in utter dismay.
Me: “What?, You said squeezy…” Very confused.
A: “No I didn’t. I NEVER said squeezy because I don’t WANT squeezy, I don’t like that anymore.” Looks at me quizzically.
Me: Hmm…Is she delusional, short term memory affected…crazy??
Me: “Fine, here’s a bowl, squeeze it in here.”
A: “Oh, sure, yes, that’s exaaaacty what I wanted to do. Now I’m HAPPY.”
Me: “Oh good.” Is she’s bi-polar, schizophrenic…?
A: Squeezes the yogurt into a bowl. Requests a spoon.
Me: “Here you go, pink spoon.”
A: “No, not THAT spoon, a DIFFERENT spoon, my special spoon.”
Me: “You have a special spoon? Hmm…ok, go get your own spoon.”
A: “It’s NOT in here, its not in the drawer. I don’t WANT this yogurt then. I just want a SQUEEZY one! Back to the floor.
Me: “Oh Audrey. It must be hard to be three (and obviously crazy). Get what you want out of the fridge, that’s why it has the ‘kid drawer’.”
A: “FINE.” Gets a squeezy yogurt. “You open this.”
Me: “Are you sure? How about a please?”
A: “Yes, Mama, PLEASE open this.”
Me: Opens yogurt and hands it back.
A: ” MAMA, I didn’t WANT you to open this. I wanted to do it MYSELF. Now it’s ruined. You ruined it and I don’t want it.” Stomps off.
A: Looks over her shoulder. “AND I’m NOT Audrey, I’m Princess Elsa. Look at my magic snow powers.”
Me: Got it. Visions of grandeur & Multiple personality disorder.
Me: I better start saving money for mental health evaluations and counseling.
Oh, not for Audrey, for ME. Over yogurt?? Reaally.
Good Morning, guess I’ll be having crazy for breakfast along with a side of yogurt 😉
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