Meaningful Mommy

Making Moments Meaningful site

A 4 step Apology….

on April 17, 2014

My daughters are 3 & 5 years old…they argue, they bicker, they fight…and it makes me crazy. But not quite as crazy as the I’m sorry charade that follows. The forced insincere “sorry” coupled with the forced insincere “I forgive you”. No-one is really happier and I’m pretty sure (from the chance the offence will happen in the next 5 minutes) no one learned anything!

I just read A Better Way To Say Sorry, by and here is a summary.

The 4 step Apology acknowledges these 4 things: What went wrong, Who was affected, How to change, & Asking for forgiveness.

It sounds like this:

1. “I’m sorry for…” Here the offender is specific about what made the other person upset.

Ex. Wrong “I’m sorry for being naughty.”   Ex. Correct “I’m sorry for hitting you sister with the Barbie.”

2. “This is wrong because….” Show understanding about why it was wrong or hurt someone.

Ex. Wrong “This is wrong because mom is mad.” Ex. Correct “This is wrong because it hurt your cheek and made you cry.”

3. “In the future I will….” In a positive way tell what you will do next time.

Ex. Wrong “In the future I will not hit.” Ex. Correct “In the future I will use my words when I am frustrated or angry.”

4. “Will you forgive me?” Reminder that the other person has the choice to forgive or not, but chances are with these steps the answer will be yes.

If you would also like to read the full article clink the link below.

Genius! ❤

4 responses to “A 4 step Apology….

  1. […] are also big on apologizing in a meaningful way. See A 4 Step Apology to see our favorite way to do this […]

  2. Dick B says:

    These are just scripted apologies. I meaningful sit down conversation can be far more successful when trying to change a child’s bad behavior

    • Megan L. says:

      Absolutely true, but getting small children to think about the action that needs to be apologized for and why, these steps can help with that thought process. Often the point of the discussions get lost in too many words.

    • Megan L. says:

      Absolutely true, but with young children sometimes a script is what’s needed to have some clarity of the situation. This allows for them to see what the problem was at the core of the situation.

Thoughts?? :)

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